Numero Uno

hannah and iIt just seems like when I talk about my life I feel like Its not really me I’m talking about.. How can one person have so many different things going on at the same time.
Took Hannah to a therapist last night to talk about some issues we were having a hard time getting through. Hannah is definitely feeling like she is second fiddle around here. I sensed this but didn’t know how I could change it.
I know that when the little boys need me they get my attention almost immediately. Andrew, because he is relentless and very demanding when he wants something and its just easier to attend to him to get him to not act out…Noah, of course requires non-stop attention. We need to make sure he is still in our world and doesn’t sink back into the abyss that he finds so comforting.
The therapist, after delving into our history and life now, made a great observation about Hannah and I. She said, “you two were here first!”… ” you guys are the #1!” hannah1 Before Corey, before all of the changes that came with 2 new brothers and now their special needs. I realized how much Hannah’s life has changed over the past few years. Mostly for the better….but different. She went from being the youngest of 4 “the baby” who was my sole focus after my divorce to getting shuffled around with no choice as to where and when. I moved on to a new life. and an happier more fulfilled marriage. She resented this at first, but over time came to love Corey and now her little brothers.
By acknowledging all of these dynamics, we are now able to better understand each other and enjoy each other so much more.
I love my Hannah March, she is smart, beautiful, caring, funny and my little girl.

Tubby Bath Time

I’m getting ready to go to dinner with Corey as Hannah helps get the boys in the tub. As I sit at the dressing table fixing my hair and putting make-up on I can hear big sister praising Andy, “keep your eyes closed, GOOD BOY!”as she pours the water over his head. Both boys are giggling and splashing around. Now they are singing. She is teaching them Christmas Carols..”you better watch out, you better not cry…” She handles both of them with ease and like a pro.
She is their 2nd little mama.
I’m smiling just listening to the 3 of them interact. She lets the water go down the drain and says, “bye bye water!” the boys say, “bye wawa” Noah says “see ya!”
How did I get so blessed???

My 80-something MOM

momShe will still correct me and I still hide stuff from her….. Like when I got a micro-dermal piercing on my neck last year.
Its just not worth the explanation,,,
One day she saw my belly piercing when I happened to lift my arms and my shirt went up. She said, “so you have your naval pierced??” to which I could not deny. So she says “what is the purpose of it?” I could not give a strong argument other than, “because I wanted to” .
Sounds like a dialogue between a teenager and her mom, not a 40 something yr old and her mom…

I guess we never stop being MOM.. I have learned a lot from my mother about mothering. I learned that I will not judge my kids for their diversity. I will not be closed-minded. I will not scowl when they come home with a new embellishment when they are adults. I will love them no matter what. I will embrace their differences because after all they are a by product of me and if i don’t love them then I don’t love myself.

I also learned incredible strength from my mom.

I know my mom loves me and I do her. She’s just old school. She shows love by fixing or trying to fix things and people… I love by accepting and being that warm safe place to land.

That’s what I would want……